Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
