Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
