hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
