a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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