You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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