like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
