Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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