I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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