He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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