I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
