My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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