i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
