You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
