We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
