I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
