first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
