He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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