fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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