Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
