i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
