Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
