For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
