Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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