a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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