I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
