So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
