Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
