If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
