Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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