My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
