I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
