we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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