Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
