As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
