Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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