Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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