some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
