so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
