I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
