The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
