Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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