I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
