Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
