just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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