No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
