At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
