You smell like a Billy Joel song
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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