She is in my trunk
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
