I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
