Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
